Green East had a trade show in partnership with the Architectural Digest Trade Show at Pier 92 this week here in New York. Green East had a small section in the back with about 20 “green” companies hocking their wares. Mildly interesting. But nothing to write home about.

You had your salvaged wood companies who can’t believe their luck that what they have been doing for years is now considered cool. Green? Who cares! They’re selling product.

There were the big kitchen brands like Wolf or whatever they are called. I can’t get beyond their price tag. But apparently they have sub zero freezers which is meant to keep your food really cold and their name means high quality and all this means you should pay a lot more and feel better than other people who can’t afford them. I think that is the “logic” but the price tag still blinds me to the subtleties. I’m not sure why they were there, though. Maybe it is green to charge a lot of money for things so people can’t afford it and thus consume less.

Then there were the totally idiotic sales reps trying to brag about how green their booths were. Not their products but the actual BOOTH. Recycled rug and bamboo tables! Wow! They flew 3000 miles and carted their recycle rug all the way to NY to tell me this?! Eat my leather shoes you greenwashing idiots. These are the kind of guys who are studying for their “LEEDS” test (not LEED but LEEDS).

The best was this retard selling plastic film to put over glass in order to reduce the heat. Just think, your house can be cooler in the summer. When I pointed out that it is summer for three months and for the remaining nine months you WANT the heat to come into the house. Ah, he counters wisely, the film keeps 11% of the heat in….?!?#? It took me a moment to realize he was talking out of his ass and had no idea how solar gain worked.

And besides, he adds, they do mostly high rises anyway. That makes sense. High rises are the stupidest buildings in the world when it comes to energy efficiency. They are big glass towers that consume huge amounts of energy to heat and cool. It makes sense this company would connect with those kinds of people. They are both idiots.

What was more interesting (from an anthropologist’s point of view) was the Architectural Digest Show. Hundreds of booths with companies who just don’t get it. They are stuck in a perpetual photo shoot of luxury villas and beautiful people.

One booth was a designer selling wood as furniture and art. He was especially into cross cut tree trunks of the massive old growth size: Mammoth circles of wood ten feet in diameter that you hang on your massive wall or put in your massive living room. Very beautiful.

But I’m like, Hello?!, where have you been the past 40 years? Are you not aware that cutting down big trees is a major cause of the earth’s demise. Ecology 101?! Like what fucking planet are you from? It made me feel very preachy. I had to double check I wasn’t wearing Birkenstocks and smelling of Patchouli. I had flash backs of anti logging rallies in the early 90’s. I had no idea where to even start with these guys.

Or how about the huge chandeliers that consume more electricity than the entire city of Las Vegas. Of course the hanging flood lights would be a wonderful addition to the entryway of your McMansion…..again where the fuck have these people been the past few years.

For these people green is a color that comes in various shades and ideally is attached to a big paint name like Ralph Lauren. Green, the concept where you are looking out for the planet, is still some wacky Green Peace term that has something to do with not shooting whales. Or was it spotted owls? I mean they still think wearing all black clothing and talking like a fag (when you are not) is cool.

The whole nauseating nightmare made me realize that the “green revolution” is an intense bright light but still very small in its spread. Like an LED. Those of us living in that light feel like it is powerful and all consuming. But there are a LOT of people outside of it’s glare who don’t even see it (through their Gucci sunglasses).